Essay 4.1: There's a Future for Foster Kids

When I met my first foster sibling, Summer, I realized the importance of my role in her life. I was someone she could look up to and that came to mean so much to me. Being the youngest in my family, I had always wanted a younger sibling, but Summer quickly became much more than that. Knowing that an 8-year-old girl can emerge resilient and even optimistic coming from the abusive life she faced is truly inspiring. Frankly, I was taken aback by our first interaction. I tried to be open minded, but I was very skeptical after observing her that day. She did not act the way I would expect a “normal” 8-year-old to act. She was unaware of the food smeared on her face and seemed disinterested in touring the house, but rather more interested in keeping her box of cookies safe, which she clenched so tightly that her knuckles began to turn white. I had never met anyone so outside the realm of what I believed to be was normal. I doubted that living in our home would be able to benefit her in any way, but I was wrong.

As I got to know Summer, I realized that she is one of the sweetest, kindest people I have met. She wants what everyone wants- love and stability. Unfortunately, Summer never saw those basic foundations of family from her original home. As I heard more and more about where she came from and the struggles she inevitably had yet to face in life, my heart broke. I learned so much from Summer and she has grown so much since entering my house. In just a few months, she was transferred out of her remedial classroom. She became more trusting and every time my mom left the house, the look of terror on her face came less and less often; Unlike her biological mom, she knew mine would always return. Most importantly, she realized that when her mom willingly gave up her parental rights, the hope for a family didn’t end; instead the likeliness of this hope grew when she saw that her mother’s abandonment actually set her free from an unfair life of abuse and neglect.

Family is one of the most significant factors in shaping a child’s future. Through establishing close relationships with my many foster siblings over the past few years, I have seen the true importance of family in one’s life. For those children who come from abusive and destructive families, the influence of healthy familial relationships is life-changing.

In the spring of 2006 my mother decided to become a foster parent. At the time I was not sure what this would truly mean for the kids who would enter my home; and I did not even contemplate the influence each child would have on my own life. As a foster parent, one provides the physical and emotional care a child needs after he or she separated from the biological family for whatever reason. The main idea of foster parenting is that it is a temporary situation (which can last from a few days to a few years) until ultimately the child can reunite with their family after conflicts are resolved, or until a child gets adopted (National). The main goal is to provide a child with a sense of care and security that they undeniably deserve.

My mom became affiliated with what is called a therapeutic foster care agency, meaning that the children who were under their care were troubled, to say the least. The likeliness of any of them getting adopted was very small. Many faced depression or bipolar disorder and came from families with extremely abusive family members and very dangerous living situations. Most of them were abandoned and/or abused by their biological parents or relatives. It's hard to live a normal life after once being subjected to such an unjust childhood. It’s impossible to ignore the suffering they must have endured in such unfair family situations, but our goal became to show these kids that they deserve much more.

Unfortunately, according to Enhanced Services and Stipends for Foster Parents: Effects on Retention Rates and Outcomes for Children, “While the availability of foster homes is shrinking… more children and adolescents who have more complex problems are entering the system” (Chamberlain, 388). Although more is being done to improve the lives of foster children, there are many that do not get placed in a home and never get to experience any form of stability in life. Thanks to the Chaffee Foster Care to Independence Act, the futures for foster children are looking better (Foster Care). However, the shortage of foster parents is truly detrimental to the cause. The presence of a loving home and family in a neglected child's life is indispensable when it comes to working to better the life of a foster child. Before building irreplaceable relationships with my foster siblings, I was not aware of what an inrrevocalbe influence a foster family could have on a foster child's life, and vice versa.

It was in the summer of 2007 when I met Charlie Gilleo. He would be my second foster sibling and my first foster brother. His story has been the most moving and has helped me to realize the true importance of foster parenting. Without the support and love from my family, I honestly don’t know where he would be today. He came into my home when he was 13 years old. The first time I saw him he was wearing a dirtied white tank top, jeans that were too big for him and a gold chain. He talked quietly and used very few words. He seemed guarded, yet polite; the few words he did mutter were “thank you” and “please”. I was a little worried about this new foster sibling. I knew we wouldn’t have an immediate connection like I did with Summer. The one thing I noticed about him in the first week of living with us is his thankfulness. His courtesy was actually surprising. I understand now why he was so afraid of making mistakes and seeming unappreciative; he came from a home where any small mistake would end in him being beaten. After a few weeks, I was pleasantly surprised when Charlie began to loosen up. What he would soon endure, however, would be a test of not only his own strength, but of the strength of my family in supporting him through what may be the hardest time he will ever face in his life.

Charlie never really had a relationship with his father. He would send him birthday cards, make a day visit every so often, but his father’s main concern in life was when he would be able to shoot up with heroin next. Growing up, Charlie lived with his drug-addicted mother and his younger half-siblings, all from different fathers. One thing I have noticed about foster kids is that they hold onto the family they have left and want so desperately to forgive and forget the mistakes of the family members who have abused them. I think that part of this innate forgiveness comes from the desire to just be a normal kid and live with their biological family without any complications of foster parents, social workers, supervised visits with family, and so on. They think they can work past the struggles of abuse and neglect, but they don’t know that they deserve so much better. When Charlie heard that his father got arrested and was being tried for murder in the first degree, he flew off the handle. I was puzzled that he cared so much about a man who was never really there. To say Charlie had an anger problem would be an understatement as he was being treated for bipolar disorder. 

The arrest of Charlie’s father was a major story in my town. Given the fact that Charlie was named after his father, the name "Charlie Gilleo," which was synonymous in my town for murder, was not only connected to Charlie Gilleo Sr, (his father) but also Charlie Gilleo Jr (my foster brother). Everyone in school knew about his father. And worse for him, everyone in school believed in his father's guilt. The weeks leading up to Charlie's dad's trial were tense to say the least. We all had to watch what we said around the house. Understandably, it was a sensitive and tense time for Charlie. I wished I knew what advice to give to him. But it’s hard to relate to someone whose father he hoped he would once be able to live with may be sentenced to life in prison. In my experience, most foster children hold onto the hope that they will one day be able to live with their family again, and this will somehow make them feel whole. But with this arrest, that hope was completely crushed for Charlie. His dad's name was in the paper every day. Thankfully, Charlie was a big kid for his age so no one said anything hurtful to his face about his father. His intimidating demeanor kept him safe from explicit mocking. However, what may have hurt even more to Charlie was the inevitable whispering when he walked to the halls and the silence he endured when he entered a room, fully aware they were just talking about his father.

At the time of the trial, my mom and I were driving in the car on our way home. It was then when my mom got the call: Charlie's dad was found guilty for murder. Charlie's father's guilt or innocence was beside the point that this was the news she dreaded haring. She knew this would change Charlie forever; this would shatter him and nothing would ever be able to fully put him back together. My mom then pressed on the gas a little more and sped home, knowing the situation we would walk into would not be pretty. We had been working through Charlie’s temper problem, but this verdict would send all of that progress down the drain. When we entered the house we saw two holes in the wall, broken glass, and drips of blood on the floor. My sister looked baffled and didn’t know what to do. Her only words, "He locked himself in the bathroom and won't come out." I was afraid. I was afraid of what this damage of the holes in the wall and broken glass meant for him- a reflection of the damage inside himself. My mom begged Charlie to open up the door but didn't hear anything. We both thought the worst and were overcome with panic. Finally after anxiously pounding on the door for five more minutes, Charlie opened the door, looked my mom in the eyes, and fell into her arms sobbing. He had broken his hand that night from punching in the wall so we had to take him to the emergency room. A cast fixed his hand, but wouldn't come even close to fixing the damage he would endure from this verdict.

It took a while for Charlie to be able to work through this. It breaks my heart when I think of how unfair it is that a child has to go through this. Charlie did nothing wrong. Yet, he paid for the neglectful and abusive acts of his parents. I don’t know if I would ever have the strength to face Charlie’s challenges and still persevere. We have been there for him like a real family. I like to think that we have filled a missing part of Charlie’s life; and Charlie, among my other foster siblings have filled a hole in my life that I didn’t even know existed. Charlie was lucky enough to have a strong, faithful support system there for him at such a tough time in his life. No child should have to face such challenges alone. What is so discouraging is that there are so many foster children out there not living in foster homes. They may not know what it is really like to be in a healthy family, and that scares me for their future.

The presence of a foster family in an abandoned and abused child’s life can give them a better future. These children can now feel a sense of safety and security. Often, many of these kids are ill-clothed, malnourished, and have rarely ever been to the doctor. Placement in a foster home guarantees that these vital physical necessities be met. They can focus on being kids; they don’t need to worry about hiding from abuse, if they have a place to sleep, food to eat, and so on. Foster care provides children with the opportunity to experience things they never got to do in their original home such as going on trips, vacations, joining a club, and most importantly being part of a loving family. Foster care gives children the chance to live a life full of satisfaction and happiness they are justified to.